My Dilator Journey Part 2

Introduction

Hey, beautiful soul. In my last post, I shared the first two weeks of my dilator journey. Catch up and read that post here. It is essential to read that post to understand some of the technical language used in this post. Today, I will continue my journey into weeks three and four. It is very raw, and very much TMI, so if that’s not your thing, click out. Please note: this post includes mention of vibrators, masturbation, lube, and menstruation.

I also document how this journey impacted my mental health. Specifically, I highlight mental struggles and some wins throughout weeks three and four. It is important to me to be transparent and open about my journey with you. I believe in discussing the good, the bad, and the neutral to give you an idea about the things you may encounter on your own journey.

This post will be part of a four-part series on my journey with dilators. I am sharing my journey in the hopes that it will help you in your journey.

Week 3 of My Dilator Journey

The Process: How I Used The Dilators 

This week, I continued working with my dilators by using the IRAS technique. Each day, I would work with the smallest dilator to identify and release any trigger points. I noticed I barely had any. When I logged my pain afterward, I saw a noticeable improvement in my pain levels; this felt very encouraging.

It felt really nice to see the improvements on paper. My journal was tangible evidence I was making slow but steady improvements, even if some days looked like I was slipping backward.

The journal provided the big picture that helped me contextualize days that had more pain or when I was less successful with the dilators. This helped me see those days not as failures, but simply as part of the process.

After releasing any trigger points, I inserted my fourth largest dilator and performed the IRAS technique. I did 3x 60 seconds each in the 4, 6, and 8 o’clock positions. Since I hadn’t experienced pain or much discomfort, I decided to give some of the advanced exercises a go. Importantly, the advanced exercises are only to be performed once you have the IRAS technique down and have little pain.

What Do The Advanced Exercises Look Like and How Did I Respond?

The advanced exercises are called PSP – perineal massage, strumming, perineal massage. These exercises are performed in this order and are to be done after the IRAS technique. 

Perineal massage

Using the smallest dilator, I performed a scooping movement, moving from the 3 o’clock position to the 9 o’clock position (think of a U-shape). This movement allows for a massage of the muscle fibers of the pelvic floor. 

Strumming

Again, working with the smallest dilator, I performed a kind of in & out motion at the 4 and 8 o’clock positions. It’s a bit challenging to describe, but the diagrams in Dr. Jeffcoat’s book help you understand how to position the dilator inside of you and how to move it.

Perineal massage

Here, I repeated the first step, using the smallest dilator to massage the pelvic floor muscles in a U-shape. Ending with this exercise delivers great benefits in terms of tension and muscle relief.

I performed these exercises slowly and experienced no pain.

Physical Sensations during Week 3 of my Dilator Journey

The 6 O’clock Location and the Impact of Trauma

This week I had no strong pain sensations. Instead, what was more common was occasional minor discomfort. I did work my way up to trying the fifth dilator – the largest one in my kit. This dilator was OK in the 4 and 8 o’clock positions, but I noticed some discomfort in the 6 o’clock area.

The 6 o’clock position seemed to be my trouble area. If I had pain or discomfort, more often than not, it was in this area. I suspect this is because this is the area that used to tear during sex, so there is likely a lot of stored trauma in that area. I believe there is still some desensitization that needs to occur between my brain and this area of the vulva. Read here for ways dilators can help with desensitization. That is, the trauma I experienced in my youth along with the trauma of living with lichen sclerosus caused my body to create a defense mechanism. For me, this meant a sharp contracting of my pelvic floor muscles. The tensing was meant as a protective measure to brace against insertion/penetration which my brain understood to always be dangerous.

Instead of getting frustrated with the discomfort, I tried to show my body compassion, love, and patience. Since there was no acute, strong pain, I continued working on this area, but I’d stretch slowly and gently. My goal was to show my body that we are OK and penetration is safe. Accordingly, this would help desensitize my brain from coding penetration as a danger over time.

Seeing Improvement in the Left Side

I noted in the first two weeks of my dilator journey that my left side seemed tenser than the right while doing the stretches. At the end of Dr. Jeffcoat’s book, she has a bunch of stretches for the body that can help in your dilator journey. For example, there are some hip flexor stretches and low back stretches. I made sure to do this a few times a week and sunk into my yoga practice to open up the hip/pelvic area. Through a combination of yoga, full-body stretches, IRAS techniques, mindfulness, meditation, and relaxation techniques, this tension slowly went away. This week I noticed a significant reduction in the initial tension I sensed on the left side. The muscles now felt less tight and more balanced.

Mental Impact of Week 3 of My Dilator Journey

Mentally, I felt good this week. When I came up against some discomfort at the 6 o’clock area, I focused on my breathing and visualization. When I did a Kegel with the dilator inside me, I imagined my pelvic floor tightening up and wrapping around it. As I breathed out, I imagined a beautiful aquamarine blue ocean wave flowing through me into my pelvic floor. I would release my pelvic floor and stretch with the metaphorical wave.

I worked with my dilators every day that week. At the end of each session, I would take a moment, close my eyes, and thank myself and my body. Regardless of whether there was discomfort or not, or whether I could get the dilator all the way in, I would thank myself. And I would remind myself that doing this every morning was my way of expressing love and care for my body. This made my journey with dilators easier when things didn’t always go as I had hoped.

Week 4 of My Dilator Journey

The Process: How I Used The Dilators 

My protocol stayed the same for week 4 of my dilator journey. I would start by releasing any trigger points with my smallest dilator. I would then move on to the IRAS technique either with dilator 4 or 5, depending on how I was feeling that day. Finally, I would do the advanced PSP exercises and close with a small meditation to thank myself and my body.

An Unexpected Curveball

Midway through week 4 of my dilator journey, I got my period. Despite this, I decided to continue working with dilators. I made this decision in part because I experience very light periods (minimal bleeding). Instead of stopping completely, I put a towel underneath me and continued as normal. I did notice that a couple of days prior to bleeding I would feel some general discomfort. It was almost as if the dilator was lightly scrapping inside my vagina. On those days, I eased up, added more lube, and worked with the fourth instead of the fifth dilator.

Some folks have asked me if they can do their dilators while on their period. My answer is it’s up to you. It is completely safe. However, if you have a very heavy flow, bad cramping, nausea, etc., you may want to sit it out for however many days until you feel better.

Physical Sensations during Week 4 of My Dilator Journey

Physically, I had no pain during week 4 of my dilator journey. I still had some mild discomfort around the 6 o’clock area, so I continued to gently stretch the area. As I mentioned above, I did notice an increase in general discomfort and sensitivity during my period, so I just eased up on those days.

How I Felt Mentally during Week 4 of My Dilator Journey

Overall, I felt pretty good during week 4. There were days that I was tired and spent less time working with them, but I still did work with them and permitted myself to not always give it 100%.

Over the last month, I had been discussing my dilator journey with my sex therapist. Going to therapy and working through many of my worries about sex and sexuality has made my dilator journey much smoother. Journaling also provided a lot of help as I had a clear record not only of my physical feelings but of my mental feelings. If there was something that came up a lot, I would bring it up to discuss with my therapist.

Finally, it was incredible to have the LS Warriors behind me, cheering me on as I moved through my dilator journey. They helped keep me accountable, and it was great to have so much support.

Masturbation and Vibrators

I mentioned in my last post I would try to incorporate pleasure into my dilator journey to make it feel less clinical. Sometimes pleasure looked like soothing music and soft lighting. Other times it would include masturbation.

On the topic of masturbation, I purchased two different kinds of vibrators; both were for internal use. One was slim and about the size of my third dilator. The other was thicker and looked more like a dildo. I purchased them in part to enhance the quality of my clitoral sensation and my orgasms. Additionally, in Dr. Jeffcoat’s book, she notes vibrators can help not only enhance pleasure, but they help encourage blood flow to the vagina/vulva, which is helpful for healthy tissue. Thus, I saw this as an opportunity to simultaneously encourage healthy vulvar and vaginal tissues, as well as make my dilator journey a little more fun. This latter piece was especially important to me, given that one of my main goals with dilators was to be able to have penetrative sex again.

How To Incorporate Vibrators into Your Dilator Journey

There is no one way to use vibrators in your dilator journey. I sometimes used them for pleasure, and other times I used them to do the IRAS technique, since the slimmer vibrator was the same size as my third dilator. The bigger vibrator was a bit bigger than my largest dilator, and thus I chose not to use it that week; I didn't feel ready.

I do have some clitoral fusing, but despite this, I was still able to orgasm with my fingers or by moving the vibrator around my clitoris. Of course, my sensation was enhanced with the vibrator, so if you have clitoral fusing, you may want to experiment with various sex toys to enhance your sensation.

A Peculiar Observation about Lube

I used coconut oil as my lube of choice for my dilator journey. My gynecologist recommended coconut oil, which I already used as my emollient. Since I found coconut oil to be non-irritating and soothing, I decided to use it as my lube. This worked quite well for dilator sizes 1 through 3, but for dilators 4 through 5 it wasn’t as good. I found myself feeling as if it was too thin and as if it just wasn’t able to provide enough lubrication, despite me slathering on a ton of it. Thus, a new goal for my dilator journey became finding a lube that was thicker and longer lasting.

Conclusion

In sum, weeks 3 and 4 of my dilator journey went well. With each day, I grew a little more comfortable working with dilators. Further, I found myself re-connecting with and re-learning my body. After feeling so disconnected from my body for about a year, it felt great to re-friend her. I purchased vibrators and started to infuse my journey with pleasure. Although I still had mild discomfort in the 6 o’clock area, I still felt hopeful and grateful for my progress.

Reach out to Me

If you want to chat with me about dilators or LS, I can be reached at:

Instagram: @thelostlabiachronicles

Facebook: @TheLostLabiaChronicles

Email: lostlabiachronicles@gmail.com

Virtual Meetups

Do you want more support in your journey with Lichen Sclerosus? Consider joining our Lichen Sclerosus Support Virtual Meetups. We meet bi-weekly, every other Saturday from 2 to 4 and 7 to 9 pm EST. These meetups are a safe space for you to share your story, cry, celebrate, vent, ask questions, and be a part of a community of support. Click the button below to sign up!

Resources

Get Dr. Jeffcoat's book here.